What Really Matters

Most people who are in the last moments of their lives often look back on how they lived it. And studies show that they have similar regrets. In an article about dying words I found in The Gurdian one author lets us know what people are really concerned about on their death beds:

There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware found that many were extremely clear on what those regrets were:

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

While I could elaborate on the entire list, a few stood out that should speak to us as we enter the Christmas time of the year. One is that they wished they kept in touch with their family and friends:

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

No one wished they had worked harder or longer. And no one even talked about the gifts they got from these close relationships for birthdays or Christmas. They all valued one thing more than anything else.

More Presence Over Presents

At a time when everyone is thinking about what gifts they are going to give for others, which isn’t wrong overall, when time is running out the most important things wished for is spending more time with people. That should speak to us now, especially for many of us who are relatively healthy and able to travel to see loved ones more often. When people are at the end of their lives they wish they spent more time with family and friends, been more emotionally present, created more shared memories, and loved more intentionally and openly. Almost no one wishes for more money, more gifts, or a busier schedule. In short they wished for presence, connection, and moments that mattered. Their advice for our Christmas list would be these three things:

  • Memories over merchandise.
  • Presence over pressure.
  • People over perfection.

It sounds nice on paper, but it is even nicer when we actually do that. To cite one of the great thinkers of our day, Mariah Carey, all I want for Christmas is you. I’m sorry to put that song in your head, but it makes the point. It’s more important to make time to be with people we love than getting them that gift off their Amazon wish list. So, how do we do it?

Presence Not Packaging

Holiday stress can make us hurried, withdrawn, or overwhelmed, but healing rarely comes from doing more - it comes from being with the people God has placed in our lives. This season gently reminds us that we need more presence, not presents. Being present doesn’t demand perfect plans, perfect words, or perfect emotions; it simply asks for a willing heart. Sometimes the most meaningful moments are the smallest ones: sitting beside someone you love, sharing a simple meal, taking a quiet walk, or pausing long enough to make one memory that will outlast the season. These ordinary moments - unchoreographed and unpolished - become the treasures God uses to steady our spirits and remind us we’re not alone. In the end, it isn’t the gifts wrapped under a tree that shape our lives, but the people we choose to show up for, and the moments of presence we give and receive along the way. With this in mind, here are few things we can do to put this in practice:

Being present doesn’t require perfection—just willingness:

  • Sit with someone you love
  • Share a simple meal with them
  • Make one memory that will outlast the season

These small moments become the treasures God uses to strengthen us. The best gifts we give - and receive - are found in presence, not packaging.

Who’s Holiday Is This Anyway?

When we speak about making memories with others and being present with them more this Christmas we often forget why we even have this time of year in the first place. Without going into a lot of details it is simply a time when we’re supposed to honor Jesus and His birth as a baby. The gift giving comes from the Wisemen bringing gifts to also honor His birth. As always happens the tradition gets lost in the process. People like getting gifts so it’s easy to see why that part can get lost in the shuffle. The woman who wrote the book about people’s dying regrets almost assuredly heard about people who wished they spent more time with Jesus and spent more time doing His will. So as we remember the reason for the season we should pause long enough to feel God’s presence. It begins with remembering that the greatest healing doesn’t come from what we do, but from who we give ourselves to. Scripture invites us, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10), reminding us that the most meaningful gift we can offer this Christmas is our surrendered, attentive heart. When we slow down - reading a single Psalm, whispering a short prayer, or taking one deep breath in His presence - we echo the invitation of Jesus: “Come to Me… and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). In these simple moments, stillness becomes sacred space, rest becomes worship, and His presence becomes our peace. Just as we cherish being present with those we love, God calls us to draw near to Him (James 4:8), offering our lives not wrapped in perfection but in willingness. And as we place ourselves before Him - our time, our attention, our whole selves - we give Jesus the truest Christmas gift He desires, and in return, He fills our weary hearts with the comfort and strength we’ve been searching for.